Difference between revisions of "Vegan Dating"
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But alas, given that Vegans have always made up a very small percentage of the population, finding a Vegan partner is fairly difficult, though not impossible. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise, since filtering out Vegans from non-Vegans allows you to see who actually is an ethical person and who is just talking shit (not that non-Vegans can't be decent people or don't genuinely believe what they say, rather it gives you a shorthand to the truly committed). | But alas, given that Vegans have always made up a very small percentage of the population, finding a Vegan partner is fairly difficult, though not impossible. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise, since filtering out Vegans from non-Vegans allows you to see who actually is an ethical person and who is just talking shit (not that non-Vegans can't be decent people or don't genuinely believe what they say, rather it gives you a shorthand to the truly committed). | ||
| + | This article will discuss how to find a good partner as a Vegan, and how you oughta go about maintaining a relationship. | ||
| + | = What is love? = | ||
| + | First of all, don't fall for the idea of "destined" or "one true love." Not that the emotion of love isn't valid, but the way you can feel about one person you can easily feel about millions of others. | ||
| + | ''<blockquote>It's remarkable isn't it, that out of the three billion adult women in the world, your one true soulmate happens conveniently to live in the same block of flats as you, rather than say, in a village in Mozambique?</blockquote> | ||
| + | -Mark Corrigan, Peep Show'' | ||
= Finding someone online = | = Finding someone online = | ||
While we're not ruling out finding a partner in real life, given you have access to the internet, not using that would be severely limiting yourself. The internet allows you to connect with anyone from around the world, and for Vegans this is probably our best bet, especially if you live in the middle of nowhere. | While we're not ruling out finding a partner in real life, given you have access to the internet, not using that would be severely limiting yourself. The internet allows you to connect with anyone from around the world, and for Vegans this is probably our best bet, especially if you live in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| − | + | Don't limit your geographic range. The idea that the people you meet on the internet could be murderous rapists is largely untrue. Most people you'll meet online will be normal, well-adjusted people in real life. A lot of people meet their partners this way, but how they meet them does vary. | |
| − | |||
== Dating Apps == | == Dating Apps == | ||
Dating apps are very popular these days, but they suck. A lot of apps like Tinder and OkCupid do allow users to show their diets on their profile, but only allow you to filter by diet if you pay a premium, meaning you'll need to wade through loads of non-Vegans to even find one, unless you're willing to shell out twenty bucks for something that might not be worth it. | Dating apps are very popular these days, but they suck. A lot of apps like Tinder and OkCupid do allow users to show their diets on their profile, but only allow you to filter by diet if you pay a premium, meaning you'll need to wade through loads of non-Vegans to even find one, unless you're willing to shell out twenty bucks for something that might not be worth it. | ||
| − | |||
== Veggly == | == Veggly == | ||
Probably the most popular dating app for Vegans specifically is Veggly. While a great concept on paper, it falls into the trap many of these specialized dating apps have, mainly, being sparsely populated. Since most people flock to the mainstream dating sites, for something like Veggly, new members rarely ever join, and most of the accounts you see on there are likely abandoned from over five years ago. Forget about it if you don't live in or near a big city. | Probably the most popular dating app for Vegans specifically is Veggly. While a great concept on paper, it falls into the trap many of these specialized dating apps have, mainly, being sparsely populated. Since most people flock to the mainstream dating sites, for something like Veggly, new members rarely ever join, and most of the accounts you see on there are likely abandoned from over five years ago. Forget about it if you don't live in or near a big city. | ||
| + | |||
| + | It might be worth creating an account and seeing if you get any likes, but don't expect the world. | ||
Source: The writer of this article has used Veggly. | Source: The writer of this article has used Veggly. | ||
| + | == So, how can you meet someone online? == | ||
| + | Besides dating apps, being involved in Vegan online communities is generally your best bet. You could join a local Vegan Facebook group (though you're likely to only run into older people on there), a forum, or a Discord for a Vegan figure. Being an active member and frequently participating in communities, building rep, and expressing your opinions and values will inevitably have people notice you. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Though if you're someone willing to create content, that's even better, since it follows the "Build it and they will come" mentality. By creating content about Veganism and Altruism, if you get even something of a following, that'll increase the chances of someone noticing you and reaching out. | ||
= Dating Non-Vegans = | = Dating Non-Vegans = | ||
| Line 27: | Line 36: | ||
In most plantonic, friendly relationships, it's easy to be friends with meat-eaters, since just because your friends may have flaws, you understand that this doesn't make them bad people necessarily, not to mention that unless they're your roommates you don't have to live in the same place as them. The same cannot be said for romantic relationships. | In most plantonic, friendly relationships, it's easy to be friends with meat-eaters, since just because your friends may have flaws, you understand that this doesn't make them bad people necessarily, not to mention that unless they're your roommates you don't have to live in the same place as them. The same cannot be said for romantic relationships. | ||
| − | When it comes to more romantic relationships, that type of rationality of understanding character flaws dissipates, and you are more susceptible to looking over flaws you would otherwise find a nuisance. | + | When it comes to more romantic relationships, that type of rationality of understanding character flaws dissipates, and you are more susceptible to looking over flaws you would otherwise find a nuisance. The thought process generally goes something along the lines of: |
| + | |||
| + | <blockquote>Consuming animal products is deeply immoral. But my partner is a good person, and my partner eats meat. Therefore, eating meat can't be immoral, and there's no point to being Vegan. So why am I bothering with being Vegan?</blockquote> | ||
| + | |||
| + | Is it gaurunteed to happen? Of course not. You could also positively infleunce that person to go vegan, but that's a gamble and much less likely to happen. Given how about half of Vegetarians cave into meat eating in social situations, the odds are not stacked in your favor. <ref>https://www.dishlab.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/289/2022/11/When-vegetarians-eat-meat.pdf</ref> | ||
== Dating non-Vegans with the intent of making them Vegan == | == Dating non-Vegans with the intent of making them Vegan == | ||
| Line 34: | Line 47: | ||
If we're talking about someone who is already Vegetarian, or mostly Vegan, or is not Vegan but very eager to be, that's much easier to reccomend. That's a person who really wants to commit to his or her values, but just needs a bit of help, and being that person's dating partner would be extremely helpful towards that end. That could have positive long-lasting effects, even if the relationship doesn't work out. But if we're talking about someone who isn't vegan-adjacent, and hasn't shown any interest in going Vegan, the person is not likely worth the time. | If we're talking about someone who is already Vegetarian, or mostly Vegan, or is not Vegan but very eager to be, that's much easier to reccomend. That's a person who really wants to commit to his or her values, but just needs a bit of help, and being that person's dating partner would be extremely helpful towards that end. That could have positive long-lasting effects, even if the relationship doesn't work out. But if we're talking about someone who isn't vegan-adjacent, and hasn't shown any interest in going Vegan, the person is not likely worth the time. | ||
| − | These days, especially amongst young people, left-leaning people, and/or urbanites, it's extremely unlikely that someone hasn't heard of Veganism, and it's also unlikely that they wouldn't be aware of the arguments and concerns Vegans have. | + | These days, especially amongst young people, left-leaning people, and/or urbanites, it's extremely unlikely that someone hasn't heard of Veganism, and it's also unlikely that they wouldn't be aware of the arguments and concerns Vegans have. If they aren't already making some attempt to reduce their meat consumption, or agree that Vegans and Vegetarians have the moral high ground, that person, put nicely, has a rather insulated point of view. They probably have very dumb reasons for still thinking it's morally permissible, or are just very convienently uninquisitive. |
| − | + | You might love the person, but unfortunately, love does not conquer all. Veganism in the modern world is something that is maintained out of values, and if we're dealing with someone who doesn't share this value, that is not a recipe for a healthy relationship. If you have to live with someone like that everyday for years, that will brew resentment. Unless of course, you're willing to give up your own ethics, which as mentioned before, is very likely to happen in a relationship with a meat eater. | |
If you really want to get someone to go Vegan, you're better off just participating in some activism and donating a few bucks to effective animal charities, where there's a much higher effort to reward ratio. You could spend months, even years and tons of energy on one person who may or may not go Vegan, or just donate $50 a month and casually talk to people about it and save hundreds of animals. | If you really want to get someone to go Vegan, you're better off just participating in some activism and donating a few bucks to effective animal charities, where there's a much higher effort to reward ratio. You could spend months, even years and tons of energy on one person who may or may not go Vegan, or just donate $50 a month and casually talk to people about it and save hundreds of animals. | ||
| + | |||
| + | = What to look for in a Vegan Relationship = | ||
| + | A person being Vegan already makes them a very attractive candidate for a relationship, but it's only one piece of the puzzle. Just because someone is Vegan doesn't mean they're rational in other respects, and could very easily be Vegan for the wrong reasons, or just generally have some very questionable views underneath it all. | ||
| + | |||
| + | If you want to have a long lasting, healthy relationship, you must have shared values beyond veganism (and ideally, similar motives for going vegan), and at least some recreational interests beyond that. If you're an ethical vegan with sound moral principles, you should look for a person who is vegan for reasons based on ethics and science, not some abstract new-Age ideas and how the stars say that you are the type of person who would be vegan. This would extend to other ethical worldviews, if you see a Vegan who is a misanthrope, an antinatalist, or some wild conspiracy theorist, run for the hills. You might think you can convince them otherwise, but even if you do, just like if you were to talk someone not interested in Veganism into it, that person's overall fundamental mindset doesn't change. Again, just because you talk them out of one irrational position doesn't mean they'll apply a similar thought process elsewhere. | ||
| + | |||
| + | This also applies to politics. Now, you don't need to agree on ''every'' last policy, there are some topics for where there is genuine debate, such as tax policy and how much the government should intervene on economic matters. But if you aren't even close to each other on the political spectrum, such a relationship is not tenable. You may have some pleasant discussions at the beginning, but if you are spending all your time with someone who disagrees on something as divisive as politics, that will do nothing but brew resentment. | ||
| + | |||
| + | Also, even though Veganism seems to be a viewpoint that champions morality and inclusivity, don't assume every vegan you'll meet is immune to being racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. Statistically they probably will be inclusive, but like with politics, that's not a guarantee. It seems like a contradiction, and as far as ethics is concerned it is, but you oughta know humans aren't all perfectly rational. | ||
| + | |||
| + | = Marriage = | ||
| + | Marriage is a fairly contentious topic in some circles. | ||
| + | |||
| + | There are some valid reasons to get married, but these are mainly legal and financial. In some Western countries (eg USA, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, France), marriage can provide tax benefits via joint filing, especially if one person is making much more than the other. Surviving pouses are also able to claim some of their deceased partner's social security, and this can extend to pensions and 401ks. In the US, there are also options for sharing health insurance, and spouses can be entilted to life insurance. Spouses will also be the first in line to inheritance (unless the will specifies otherwise), and it's easier to co-own any property and real estate. | ||
| + | |||
| + | There are other benefits too, and overall, if you plan on living with a person, marriage can be a very good idea. You may have noticed that among all the reasons we mentioned, "love" was not one of them. There's a reason for that. | ||
| + | |||
| + | |||
| + | == Weddings == | ||
| + | Marriage as discussed can be a very practical choice, and if you really want to get married (which again can be a very good idea), that can be done in a courthouse fairly quickly for a small fee. The idea that you need to spend tens of thousands of dollars on the ceremony (not to mention an absurdly overpriced rock) and months of planning to have a wedding is never worth it. | ||
| + | |||
| + | But, if you must, we have an article discussing how to handle a Vegan Wedding. | ||
| + | |||
| + | If you're already in love with a person, there's no reason to think one particular event for some boring legal process will solidify that (a high percentage of marriages end in divorce). Bonding experiences come from decades of going through things together, indulging in each other's hobbies, and just always being there for the person. | ||
| + | |||
| + | = References = | ||
Latest revision as of 18:41, 18 October 2025
Most Vegans would prefer they date someone else who is Vegan, or at the very least open to becoming Vegan. This makes sense; Unlike how it is in the movies, opposites do not attract, and the way to having a long, healthy, happy relationship hinges on having shared values. Two people who are Vegan for ethical reasons on average have a lot in common, and often a concern for ethics extends to other aspects of worldview, such as politics and altruism.
But alas, given that Vegans have always made up a very small percentage of the population, finding a Vegan partner is fairly difficult, though not impossible. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise, since filtering out Vegans from non-Vegans allows you to see who actually is an ethical person and who is just talking shit (not that non-Vegans can't be decent people or don't genuinely believe what they say, rather it gives you a shorthand to the truly committed).
This article will discuss how to find a good partner as a Vegan, and how you oughta go about maintaining a relationship.
Contents
What is love?
First of all, don't fall for the idea of "destined" or "one true love." Not that the emotion of love isn't valid, but the way you can feel about one person you can easily feel about millions of others.
It's remarkable isn't it, that out of the three billion adult women in the world, your one true soulmate happens conveniently to live in the same block of flats as you, rather than say, in a village in Mozambique?
-Mark Corrigan, Peep Show
Finding someone online
While we're not ruling out finding a partner in real life, given you have access to the internet, not using that would be severely limiting yourself. The internet allows you to connect with anyone from around the world, and for Vegans this is probably our best bet, especially if you live in the middle of nowhere.
Don't limit your geographic range. The idea that the people you meet on the internet could be murderous rapists is largely untrue. Most people you'll meet online will be normal, well-adjusted people in real life. A lot of people meet their partners this way, but how they meet them does vary.
Dating Apps
Dating apps are very popular these days, but they suck. A lot of apps like Tinder and OkCupid do allow users to show their diets on their profile, but only allow you to filter by diet if you pay a premium, meaning you'll need to wade through loads of non-Vegans to even find one, unless you're willing to shell out twenty bucks for something that might not be worth it.
Veggly
Probably the most popular dating app for Vegans specifically is Veggly. While a great concept on paper, it falls into the trap many of these specialized dating apps have, mainly, being sparsely populated. Since most people flock to the mainstream dating sites, for something like Veggly, new members rarely ever join, and most of the accounts you see on there are likely abandoned from over five years ago. Forget about it if you don't live in or near a big city.
It might be worth creating an account and seeing if you get any likes, but don't expect the world.
Source: The writer of this article has used Veggly.
So, how can you meet someone online?
Besides dating apps, being involved in Vegan online communities is generally your best bet. You could join a local Vegan Facebook group (though you're likely to only run into older people on there), a forum, or a Discord for a Vegan figure. Being an active member and frequently participating in communities, building rep, and expressing your opinions and values will inevitably have people notice you.
Though if you're someone willing to create content, that's even better, since it follows the "Build it and they will come" mentality. By creating content about Veganism and Altruism, if you get even something of a following, that'll increase the chances of someone noticing you and reaching out.
Dating Non-Vegans
Dating a Non-Vegan creates a huge risk of you giving up on Veganism. This is a result of cognitive dissonance.
In most plantonic, friendly relationships, it's easy to be friends with meat-eaters, since just because your friends may have flaws, you understand that this doesn't make them bad people necessarily, not to mention that unless they're your roommates you don't have to live in the same place as them. The same cannot be said for romantic relationships.
When it comes to more romantic relationships, that type of rationality of understanding character flaws dissipates, and you are more susceptible to looking over flaws you would otherwise find a nuisance. The thought process generally goes something along the lines of:
Consuming animal products is deeply immoral. But my partner is a good person, and my partner eats meat. Therefore, eating meat can't be immoral, and there's no point to being Vegan. So why am I bothering with being Vegan?
Is it gaurunteed to happen? Of course not. You could also positively infleunce that person to go vegan, but that's a gamble and much less likely to happen. Given how about half of Vegetarians cave into meat eating in social situations, the odds are not stacked in your favor. [1]
Dating non-Vegans with the intent of making them Vegan
Eh... maybe.
If we're talking about someone who is already Vegetarian, or mostly Vegan, or is not Vegan but very eager to be, that's much easier to reccomend. That's a person who really wants to commit to his or her values, but just needs a bit of help, and being that person's dating partner would be extremely helpful towards that end. That could have positive long-lasting effects, even if the relationship doesn't work out. But if we're talking about someone who isn't vegan-adjacent, and hasn't shown any interest in going Vegan, the person is not likely worth the time.
These days, especially amongst young people, left-leaning people, and/or urbanites, it's extremely unlikely that someone hasn't heard of Veganism, and it's also unlikely that they wouldn't be aware of the arguments and concerns Vegans have. If they aren't already making some attempt to reduce their meat consumption, or agree that Vegans and Vegetarians have the moral high ground, that person, put nicely, has a rather insulated point of view. They probably have very dumb reasons for still thinking it's morally permissible, or are just very convienently uninquisitive.
You might love the person, but unfortunately, love does not conquer all. Veganism in the modern world is something that is maintained out of values, and if we're dealing with someone who doesn't share this value, that is not a recipe for a healthy relationship. If you have to live with someone like that everyday for years, that will brew resentment. Unless of course, you're willing to give up your own ethics, which as mentioned before, is very likely to happen in a relationship with a meat eater.
If you really want to get someone to go Vegan, you're better off just participating in some activism and donating a few bucks to effective animal charities, where there's a much higher effort to reward ratio. You could spend months, even years and tons of energy on one person who may or may not go Vegan, or just donate $50 a month and casually talk to people about it and save hundreds of animals.
What to look for in a Vegan Relationship
A person being Vegan already makes them a very attractive candidate for a relationship, but it's only one piece of the puzzle. Just because someone is Vegan doesn't mean they're rational in other respects, and could very easily be Vegan for the wrong reasons, or just generally have some very questionable views underneath it all.
If you want to have a long lasting, healthy relationship, you must have shared values beyond veganism (and ideally, similar motives for going vegan), and at least some recreational interests beyond that. If you're an ethical vegan with sound moral principles, you should look for a person who is vegan for reasons based on ethics and science, not some abstract new-Age ideas and how the stars say that you are the type of person who would be vegan. This would extend to other ethical worldviews, if you see a Vegan who is a misanthrope, an antinatalist, or some wild conspiracy theorist, run for the hills. You might think you can convince them otherwise, but even if you do, just like if you were to talk someone not interested in Veganism into it, that person's overall fundamental mindset doesn't change. Again, just because you talk them out of one irrational position doesn't mean they'll apply a similar thought process elsewhere.
This also applies to politics. Now, you don't need to agree on every last policy, there are some topics for where there is genuine debate, such as tax policy and how much the government should intervene on economic matters. But if you aren't even close to each other on the political spectrum, such a relationship is not tenable. You may have some pleasant discussions at the beginning, but if you are spending all your time with someone who disagrees on something as divisive as politics, that will do nothing but brew resentment.
Also, even though Veganism seems to be a viewpoint that champions morality and inclusivity, don't assume every vegan you'll meet is immune to being racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. Statistically they probably will be inclusive, but like with politics, that's not a guarantee. It seems like a contradiction, and as far as ethics is concerned it is, but you oughta know humans aren't all perfectly rational.
Marriage
Marriage is a fairly contentious topic in some circles.
There are some valid reasons to get married, but these are mainly legal and financial. In some Western countries (eg USA, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, France), marriage can provide tax benefits via joint filing, especially if one person is making much more than the other. Surviving pouses are also able to claim some of their deceased partner's social security, and this can extend to pensions and 401ks. In the US, there are also options for sharing health insurance, and spouses can be entilted to life insurance. Spouses will also be the first in line to inheritance (unless the will specifies otherwise), and it's easier to co-own any property and real estate.
There are other benefits too, and overall, if you plan on living with a person, marriage can be a very good idea. You may have noticed that among all the reasons we mentioned, "love" was not one of them. There's a reason for that.
Weddings
Marriage as discussed can be a very practical choice, and if you really want to get married (which again can be a very good idea), that can be done in a courthouse fairly quickly for a small fee. The idea that you need to spend tens of thousands of dollars on the ceremony (not to mention an absurdly overpriced rock) and months of planning to have a wedding is never worth it.
But, if you must, we have an article discussing how to handle a Vegan Wedding.
If you're already in love with a person, there's no reason to think one particular event for some boring legal process will solidify that (a high percentage of marriages end in divorce). Bonding experiences come from decades of going through things together, indulging in each other's hobbies, and just always being there for the person.
