Family Stuff

[brimstoneSalad]

I didn't want to reinforce the idea that blackmailing would work for future things (in the past they've done it for religious things; it's not just this, and I didn't want to encourage any controlling behavior).
[...]
So, getting back to what I was saying, I said I wouldn't go to family counseling since my dad was blackmailing me like that (and I don't see any point with it anymore anyway).

Good job. And it worked:

So my dad just came outside and, in our brief conversation, tried to go through mental gymnastics to explain why what my mom said wasn't racist.
He tried to convince me to go, saying I can get on the computer now until we go and "we'll see from there", and that they can't cancel the payment.

He's backed down from the no computer thing at least temporarily, but now you have room to make a counter-offer.

You can explain to him about the blackmailing thing, and how it only pushes you away and makes you not want to have a relationship with them at all when they behave like that. Now that you're growing up, the more freedom they give you, the more you will respect them and want to be friends with them and maintain a relationship later. If they keep trying to control you, the'll be lucky to get as much as a Christmas card every year.

If I were you, I'd tell him you'll go to the family counseling if you can get your own computer and they both promise never to use it as a tool to blackmail or manipulate you. It's yours, and it belongs to you as much as the clothes you're wearing do and they can't take it away as punishment.

Otherwise, if he doesn't agree, I'd stick with your guns and not go -- as you said, just stay at school as long as you can, then outside until bed time (make sure to stay in the shade so you don't get a sun burn).
They will eventually give in.

I've reflected on it, and I don't see why if I wouldn't want to be friends with my parents that I would want to have a real relationship with them just because they are my parents.
My mom would have to completely change as a person for me to want to be friends with her, and part of who she is is valuing tradition and being unchanging, so I doubt that'll happen.

Sounds like my cynicism is rubbing off. I'm the one who's supposed to say people don't change, you're supposed to be all optimistic.

[Red]

She is currently at the counceling right now as a matter of fact.

[brimstoneSalad]

She is currently at the counceling right now as a matter of fact.

Ah, I thought maybe it was a few days away. So my reply was late.

It's good that he gave in that much, anyway.

[Red]

Let's see what happens

[EquALLity]

Thanks for your reply brimstone, but yeah, I wasn't able to see it in time.

I don't even know where to begin about the session...

Things that the Counselor Said
1) It's perfectly acceptable for my parents to force me to go to church (not that they still do), because 'this is a Christian household'.*
2) A large part of the reason I am the way I am is to spite my parents (unconsciously, but still dismissive of what I was saying and patronizing).
3) It's a cycle- my parents are overbearing because I am resisting and vice versa, so I should just stop resisting.**
4) My parents should make non-negotiable rules that are not up for discussion at all, and I just have to follow them because they're the parents.
5) It's fine if my parents don't accept my beliefs.

My parents seemed to, while denying things and making absurd accusations, have had the ability to be totally calm and collected, in stark contrast to their behavior at home. It was amazing.

*He, after I pressed him on this, backtracked about the force thing.
"They're not holding a gun to your head, but it's fine to say that this is what's preferred." >.<

**The implication was that this would 'break the cycle', as if my parents would stop being overbearing if I 'listened'. When I asked him how the cycle could've started if the two things were dependent on each other, he dodged the question, saying that genetics are probably influencing us both.

There was a 95% chance we weren't going to get anywhere with a non-biased counselor, let alone this one.
Well, I'm not going back, even though they scheduled another session.

Yeah, I'm just going to avoid them.

Sounds like my cynicism is rubbing off. I'm the one who's supposed to say people don't change, you're supposed to be all optimistic.

Haha, I am optimistic. But I really don't think my mom is going to change.

What do you think?

[brimstoneSalad]

Sounds like a terrible counselor who is being paid by your parents, so is going to say exactly what he thinks they want to hear.

Maybe you should get emancipated.