Unfortunately today I discovered that a friend of mine (who was formerly a vegan) decided to once again consume the body parts of animals and their nipple secretions. She stated in a Facebook status update a few hours ago that she decided to start eating "copious amounts" of "meat and dairy products as of last week."
My immediate emotional reaction to this post was a feeling of shock, followed by anger and disappointment. If I let my emotions dictate my actions on this matter, then I will likely send her a private message expressing condemnation of her character. She has at least some level of knowledge about what happens to animals whose lives are controlled by the meat and dairy industries. How can someone with that knowledge, as well as experience with being vegan, go back to supporting the exploitation and abuse of innocent sentient beings, in good conscience? Fortunately, I won't let my emotions dictate my actions. Expressing anger at other people's flaws is unproductive; I've had to learn this the hard way a few times. I'm wiser than that now.
My current plan is to ask her in a calm manner why she made this change. "Were you unsatisfied with your vegan diet. Why did it seem difficult and/or unsatisfying? Why exactly did you want to become vegan in the first place? Here's what I would ask of anyone on the forum who has had similar experiences: What should I say to her to best understand why she made this choice? Next, what should I say to inspire her to go back to being vegan?
As you think about this, I'd like to share what I know about her choices regarding veganism:
-When I first met her about 3 years ago, she was an ovo-lacto vegetarian. Not vegan. She expressed interest in veganism, but seemed concerned about its "difficulty" and possible "health problems."
-It was just a few months ago that she asked me:
I gave her a list of vegan cooking websites to check out, as well as some recommendations of good pseudodairy products. Since then, I haven't spoken with her much, and not at all about veganism. I'm now having my doubts about how serious she really was about it. I also feel guilty about not asking her about her progress from time to time, and reminding her that I'm always willing to go out of my way to help anyone who is struggling with being vegan.My friend wrote:"Hey {my name}, you're a vegan, right? I've been eating vegan for about a week now, and I'd like to make the switch. What sort of advice can you give me?"
-I know that in some way she cares about the well-being of animals, but I don't know if her motivation to become vegetarian (and later vegan) was emotional/sentimental in nature, or truly ethical in nature (based on careful thinking about ethics and our moral obligations to other sentient beings).
I'm feeling rather disappointed and disheartened at the moment. I would greatly appreciate insight on how to understand her choice and inspire her to be vegan again. I've met some very defensive nonvegans, and so I will be very careful about how I speak to her. I don't want to F*@& this up...
P.S. PrincessPeach, I'm especially curious to hear your thoughts on this matter. I read one of your recent posts about your friend (the one with a PETA tattoo on her leg) who stopped caring. I'm sorry to hear about that. At the time I read that I could only imagine what it feels like to experience that kind of disappointment in a friend. Now I know.
Yes it does.PrincessPeach wrote:It sucks when a vegan stops caring.