I'm not sure if I care about being a good person anymore

[Cirion Spellbinder]

I'm not sure if I'm still interested in being a good person anymore.

At first I thought that morality was somehow universally defined and an objective obligation for all that can follow it. Now, if I understand correctly, morality is just one of the many interests I can pursue. I'm not suggesting that objective morality doesn't exist, but rather that there's no reason to do the right thing the right way other than because I want to and I don't know if I can want to do one thing consistently over the years unless I have to. This is especially true if I have to put in effort or leave my comfort zone. It's easy (for me) to go vegan and take other easy steps to reduce the violation of interests, but I really don't want to do difficult things like discuss issues with people face to face or really any type of activism. Without feeling that I have to do these things, I don't know if I can motivate myself to care. It's so much easier to get distracted by superficial interests. For example: I don't want to convince the Garden Club sponsor not to use organic pesticides on our crops because I can easily play video games, watch anime, play tennis, draw, or read Wikipedia articles instead. At the same time, I know that if I don't pursue anything meaningful I'll get extremely depressed and either kill myself or get transferred to an inpatient program that I don't want to be in. I'm confused and I'm not sure what to do here.

Please pardon my poor writing skills. Hopefully at least of some of this is coherent!

I'd be interested in hearing what you all think the best course of action here is and why. Thanks.

[brimstoneSalad]

There's a huge difference between being a good person, and being a perfect person (the best person you could possibly be). I don't even have the motivation for the latter.

I don't leaflet all of the time; I've only done it in extreme moderation. When the weather was nice. With others.
It takes some serious dedication, which it's no great sin not to have, to do something like that on your own.

You can be a good person while pursuing other interests too, as long as you make a little time and effort for moral interests.
And you can and should pursue moral interests in your own way.

If you like video games, do something like these folks: http://philosophicalvegan.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=2085&p=21518

Some people are powerhouses of moral motivation, and take some terrible job to earn a maximum income and donate it all to charity, or devote their lives to ascetic service of others. You don't have to do that to be a good person: it's not all or nothing.

This is especially true if I have to put in effort or leave my comfort zone.

Put in as much effort as you can, and don't burn yourself out.

For example: I don't want to convince the Garden Club sponsor not to use organic pesticides on our crops because I can easily play video games, watch anime, play tennis, draw, or read Wikipedia articles instead. At the same time, I know that if I don't pursue anything meaningful I'll get extremely depressed and either kill myself or get transferred to an inpatient program that I don't want to be in. I'm confused and I'm not sure what to do here.

That point is very important.
Find a way to do good that interests and engages you. If you're not a very socially outgoing person, then that's not your way.
There are so many ways to do good, and to avoid harm.

Vegan is a great step (something approaching 1/2 of what's possible). When you buy a car, get an electric (used, they're not very expensive). When you get a house, if it's in a sunny area, install solar panels and grow some of your veggies in the backyard or on your patio. Compost, and never throw away biodegradable material. Recycle. Get cloth bags to save plastic when you get groceries. Buy in bulk. Get a handkerchief. Get an attachable bidet to save on toilet paper. Don't make the water quite as hot when you shower. Install a greywater system (probably only viable if you own the house). Use LED bulbs. Buy high efficiency appliances.

There are many tiny things that aren't so difficult to do if you gradually introduce them into your routine. Many are just one off purchases that become habit after that and aren't really an ongoing effort.

[PsYcHo]

I'm not suggesting that objective morality doesn't exist, but rather that there's no reason to do the right thing the right way other than because I want to and I don't know if I can want to do one thing consistently over the years unless I have to. This is especially true if I have to put in effort or leave my comfort zone.

You are still young and highly intelligent, which can make it difficult to decide on any one path in life. You have a lifetime to decide what you wish to do, so don't burden yourself so much now with worrying about what you may do in the future. Your beliefs and comfort zones will change with time.

It's easy (for me) to go vegan and take other easy steps to reduce the violation of interests, but I really don't want to do difficult things like discuss issues with people face to face or really any type of activism. Without feeling that I have to do these things, I don't know if I can motivate myself to care.

Are you Vegan for others only, or because you care about it personally? I'm not an advocate of any kind (except maybe occasionally on a forum setting), I only changed dietary choices for my own reasons. I suspect you care at least somewhat because you did it in the first place. To use a religious example, a person can be a good Christian without trying to convert everyone else. (Personally, my favorite type of Christian. )

It's so much easier to get distracted by superficial interests. For example: I don't want to convince the Garden Club sponsor not to use organic pesticides on our crops because I can easily play video games, watch anime, play tennis, draw, or read Wikipedia articles instead.

But you can choose to use organic pesticides in your own garden, and you could simply mention the possibility of using them to the sponsor. Not everyone is the type of person who can comfortably be an advocate for a cause. That is o.k. Perhaps in time you will feel more comfortable educating people.

At the same time, I know that if I don't pursue anything meaningful I'll get extremely depressed and either kill myself or get transferred to an inpatient program that I don't want to be in. I'm confused and I'm not sure what to do here.

It sounds to me like you care, but you are afraid you will not care in the future. Also, it seems like you are worrying too much. (I'm speaking from experience here, not criticizing.) I know it is a cliche, but take life one day at a time. It might not seem like it now, but with a little patience you will figure out what you want to do. Don't try to force it.

[inator]

It's easy (for me) to go vegan and take other easy steps to reduce the violation of interests, but I really don't want to do difficult things like discuss issues with people face to face or really any type of activism. Without feeling that I have to do these things, I don't know if I can motivate myself to care.

Once you reduce your own harmful impact, you don't necessarily have an obligation to create as much of a positive impact in the world as you are possibly capable of producing.
Many people who do activism or help out in their communities don't just do it because it's the right thing to do and they want to get a 'good person' label pin. It's mostly (or exclusively) because they deeply care about a certain outcome.
Don't burn yourself out trying to do things you're not actually interested in. You can find the things that you are passionate about - if at least one of them is also meaningful in some way, then even better - and focus on those.