Being confused with a rapist

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esquizofrenico
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Being confused with a rapist

Post by esquizofrenico »

A few years ago I was walking back home after having being out in a pub, when a girl that was very drunk stopped me and asked me if I had a cigarette. I did not, but I had snus (some kind of fermented tobacco from Scandinavia that goes in little bags that you put under your lip), so I told her I could give her some if she wanted. To proof her it was harmless, I took a bag and put it under my lip, so she also took one and we talked a little before this happened.

A friend of hers came over running, grabbed the snus bag out of her mouth and threw it on the ground. I tried to explain her what it was, but she ran away with her friend in one arm and I decided to disappear as quick as possible. This is not a "GOD DAMN FEMINAZIS SJW CUCKS" post, I understand perfectly well the worries of her friend and have no resentment about it.

I talk about it because I just saw a photo of a very drunk woman that was sleeping in the middle of the street and realized that should I find someone like that, I would most probably not help her out of fear of someone misrepresenting my intentions. The same if it was a lost child, I would stay ten meters away from him in case anyone thought I was trying to kidnap him.

It is not just me, they conducted an experiment of putting a child actor in the middle of a mall, and males eluded him as is he had the plague. So the question is, do you have ideas about how this problem could be solved? I am not very sure it is even worth solving, it is possible that is best if we maintain a distrust whenever we see any child or drunk woman being approached by a stranger male. What are your thoughts?
carnap
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Re: Being confused with a rapist

Post by carnap »

I think this really comes down to sexism and in this case it has some bad consequences. And the question at the end is the same as asking whether avoiding a black man walking down the street is justified because black men are statistically more likely to rob you than a white man.

To a degree such beliefs are justified because they are rooted in statistical facts, yet they obviously fuel people's tendency for overt racism or sexism.
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NonZeroSum
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Re: Being confused with a rapist

Post by NonZeroSum »

This is a really great post and topic. I take from your examples here that you're asking if it's possible to help a second person avoid the emotional/traumatic anguish of reacting to something that sets off a bunch of danger signs. The idea that reactions like this could deter someone from extending that duty of care to a stranger in need is a big problem. I'm sure I would help and would like to find ways to improve the likelihood others would do as well.

I wonder if there's a crossover with the Milgram Experiment here, of people not wanting to even appear to be going against the proper authority channels or appear like they're trying to take their place.

So the first person example of a small built person walking down a dark street at night, with no one else around and not wanting to spook them if you're a big built person is an easy example to connect to for people. And being cognizant of that, so things like if you're walking in the same direction as them, hanging back to play around on your phone till they've gone on their way or crossing the street so there's some distance between you.

We had a big blow up one night among disparate friends who'd just started living together in a big squatted factory, with a guy telling a story of how he felt slighted by a woman on the train who was startled and then turned away from him when he tried to start a conversation with her. Because it just hadn't occurred to him that they could have felt threatened because of past experiences. It started off with him saying he wanted to continue trying to reach out to people in these situations and everyone trying to explain how they were uncomfortable with him doing that. To it escalating because it didn't appear he was listening and name dropping a bunch of projects he'd been on where he'd tried to improve the social dynamics of groups, like washing dishes for Palestinian housewife's to inviting trans people into feminist spaces, which then rightly incriminated other people in the conversation who weren't okay with that, but wrong place, wrong time, so funny and bizarre. Anyways he read this article later and got on board: https://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

It's a desire on part of socialist/anarchists, to have really tight community cohesion and trust, so they can organize together and know who needs looking after before they run into any major problems. Eisel talked about this with really homogenous catholic communities in Spain, all having this for sharing in the same symbology and customs. Our weapon is a direct democracy ethos of anyone can play around with their environment, subverting billboards, guerrilla gardening and just trying to create really inviting open projects for everyone to feel like they can participate.
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esquizofrenico
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Re: Being confused with a rapist

Post by esquizofrenico »

The example I gave was just as an illustration, I didn't give it much importance. I think the friend did not thought I was giving her something like Rohypnol or a poison, but that I was giving her a recreational drug.

The example you are given also deals with this topic (I usually cross to the other side of the street if there is someone ahead of me, because I walk so fast that sometimes people think I am chasing them XD), but those behaviours are less important, nothing is going to happen because of you crossing to the other side. When I thought about this, the example that instantly came into my mind is something that happened to me in Seoul. I saw a man that was so drunk that wasn't even able to stand up that tried to cross a very wide street (there were no cars because this was at about 3AM). When he was in the middle, he fell to the ground and couldn't stand up. So obviously I walked to him and helped him to stand up and then forced him to walk to the other side. The thing is that during the whole process he was repeating again and again that he didn't need any help and telling me to let him go. I did not comply (inexcusably contradicting the non-agression principle in a paternalistic way) and took him to the other side.

If it had been a woman, I would probably have done the same, but certainly with hesitation. Specially considering that when you are drunk you are less aware of the situation you are in, so it is more probable that the woman responds asking for help when he sees an absolute stranger taking her away.

The web you linked is nice, but is not very useful for this topic.
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PsYcHo
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Re: Being confused with a rapist

Post by PsYcHo »

esquizofrenico wrote: Fri Apr 13, 2018 6:29 am
It is not just me, they conducted an experiment of putting a child actor in the middle of a mall, and males eluded him as is he had the plague. So the question is, do you have ideas about how this problem could be solved?
This is a problem for males in society today. My current (and likely last) partner is female. We have been in situations where a child is unattended. If I were by myself (I'm male) I wouldn't approach the child directly, but would try to draw attention to the situation that a child is unattended. A lone man approaching an unattended child can be met with negative responses. (I would put links here, but they are depressing,, )

I think the best way to deal with this situation (for males) is to approach with caution, and make it audibly clear that there is a problem, and draw attention to yourself and the child in question. To use a term I hate with a passion, it is what it is, and those who have a penis are more likely to to be predatory to others. So a man approaching a child is much more likely to be perceived (or to actually be) a predator.

If you have good intentions, and happen to have genitalia that dangles, know that approaching a strange child, even in honorable circumstances, may be met with distrust.

I don't know how to deal with this in a way that will change things, but I will offer my advice for those in such a situation that are among the 98% of honorable persons.

Be loud. Be concerned. Keep an eye on the child.

But stay far enough away to not be mistaken for someone trying to cause harm, but close enough to intervene if actual harm may befall the child.
Alcohol may have been a factor.

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