My Libertarian Experience

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Red
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My Libertarian Experience

Post by Red » Fri Apr 19, 2019 7:30 pm

So recently I went to a Libertarian meeting. Now I'm fairly new to this stuff so I didn't know what to expect, but nevertheless it was quite an interesting experience.

Initially, I wasn't expecting many Libertarians to attend, but it was a pleasant surprise to find out that there was a rather large Libertarian community that built up in my local area; Around 70, mostly Libertarians, but there were about 10-15 non-Libertarians there as well, which included myself, along with a few friends that agreed to come along with me. Now after a few minutes of conversing with some of the attendees, I kinda got a feel about the what was going on; Some were regulars, others were newcomers, some pure-libertarians, mostly right-libertarians.

Now it was just approaching about 7 in the evening when we started to take our seats facing the front, which I felt was a slight shame since I prefer circular seating arrangements, since it allows for more opportunity to talk and discuss with others, and hear more perspectives on issues, but nevertheless, I was willing to put up with it.

Once everyone sat down and got comfortable, the main organizer of the event got up to the front, and scribbled down something on a clipboard, which appeared to have something of an agenda on it. Once everyone was quiet, he stood up, stuck his chest out, gave a Nazi salute, and said 'Long Live Liberty.' Now the group followed suit, and I was like 'Yeah, great, long live liberty and all that, but why the Nazi Salute?' I thought that was strange, but I went along with it and did the whole action, except it was completely half-assed, and it was like half a second after everyone else had finished, and it attracted some very harsh looks from people, unfortunately.

Next thing that happens is the person up front bringing out this fucking shotgun, and shouted 'All non-libertartians arise!' And I was like 'Holy crap, this is fucking intense, but okay!' So us lot stood up, then all of the Libertarians there, just turned to us, and said, in almost absolute unison "Well, you must be a socialist! What do you have to say for yourself?" Then they fucking spat in our faces. And as I was wiping away the saliva that was dripping down my cheek, I thought, 'Yup, these must be the Libertarians!'

I felt a bit humiliated at first, but I was glad to get some confirmation that I've come to the right place, since this is obviously an accurate representation of how Libertarians treat those who disagree with them. So I decided to stay at the meeting anyway, just in case I would be able to learn anything from the experience.

Now the shotgun-wielding Libertarian turned to everyone that had been systematically spat on and accused of being socialist said "This, you filthy communist scum, is a Libertarian space. Here, you disgusting fucks must follow orders from us. You have no rights here, and we can do whatever the hell we want. Clear?" I said "Well no, that doesn't seem fair at all, surely I'd have the right to-' And he just instantly interrupted me, saying "No, you don't deserve rights! Here, you are to live under conditions that would be the norm if your ideology had their ways!"

After that, he went toward a bookcase, and pulled out Adam Smith's 'The Wealth of Nations' which acted as a sort of lever, and it caused the case to, just like in the movies, start rotating. Unlike in the movies where you'd hear the case grinding against the wall and floor, but here it was very smooth action, it was very well done.

He pointed the shotgun at everyone, and shouted "Everyone, get in!" and inside was the most horrifying thing ever. It was a secret, candlelit chamber filled with Libernazi Memorbilia; You had Libertarian styled swastikas, flags, graffiti about how everyone who isn't a Libertarian should go fuck off and die. At that point, my friends and I were just completely horrified, so we thought 'Yep, we should probably go.' But it was too late. The Libertarians had locked us in their torture chamber. The look in our faces was one of shock and disgust, as we realized that we couldn't escape.

Suddenly, 10 Libertarian clowns came running in, and they just started throwing custard pies in our faces, and it was just humiliating, and all of the other Libertarians just laughed at us. Then they stripped us naked, and shoved us in a cage with all of the clowns, so we just had to sit there, drinking beer and eating raw meat, while Libertarians put on lab coats, taking notes on our flawed behavior, and throwing crackers at us as well, while the clowns collected our tears in a bottle and drank them while throwing custard pies everywhere. Then one of the guys in the cage had to go to the toilet, but they wouldn't let him, so he just had explosive diarrhea in the cage, which covered everyone in the cage with bloody and mucus filled shit, and the Libertarians were just laughing at us. Another one of us in the cage, completely repulsed by this just vomited sick all over the cage, which got on everyone as well, and the laughing continued.

We just begged "How can you do this to us? We're human beings..." To which they replied "Well, we believe in human rights, we just don't believe that socialists are human beings. Why? Because we're Libertarians." We were just shocked and appalled.

And then they took off all of their clothes, and they arranged themselves into a circle, and they all shat on the floor, creating this massive pile of dung and it was so disgusting, there were all of the possible colors and textures of fecal matter that it is possible for a human being to produce, ranging from black, solid rock coated in blood, to a sort of greenish-yellowy liquid. And it smelled awful. Then they picked it up, and started flinging it at us, shouting "Die, socialists, die!" And now they were pissing everywhere while they were shitting, and now they were pissing on us as well, then another one of them farted, and another one of them ran into a corner and started eating her own face. Then they started sticking their fingers into the back of their throats and just let out oceans of sick onto us, all of which contained various chunks of past meals with all of the possible colors and textures on that end as well.

Then they got us out of the cage, and tied us up together to be burnt at the stake, and they went to all of our clothes, and salvaged all of the money that they could find. "It's time for us to cook your bodies to eat for dinner!" they said, while we just stood there, tied up, naked, covered in shit, piss, sick, custard pies, robbed and terrified of being burnt to death. There was a giant mess everywhere of just putrid blood and piss and shit and sick and custard pies, and it all smelled repugnant. At that point, I yelled "WHY? We demand an explanation for this mindless depravity!"

Then, for just about 15 seconds, there was total silence in the room, aside from of course the rapid breathing and occasional whimpers of those of us that has been subjected to this horror, until the chief Libertarian stuck out his chest and declared "It's because all socialists are bastards!"

Then, who else but Socialist Man smashed through the bookcase and burst onto the scene! "Not so fast Libernazi scum! Leave those innocents alone!" And then he brought out his fucking machine gun, because he doesn't have any special powers other than the psychic ability to detect extremist libertarianism from 50,000 miles away, and he just started shooting at the Libertarians, and he killed all of the clowns instantly, and there was violence and blood and piss and shit and sick and gore and custard pies and death everywhere, then at one point someone's foot just flew threw the air in amidst all of the choas and knocked someone out.

One of the Libertarians, in his last breath, just said "I think (cough) it's best (cough), if (cough cough) if you probably (cough) leave..." Then Socialist Man said "Why do you have to censor me rather than engage in a reasonable conversation?" And he just shot him to smithereens with his machine gun. Then Socialist Man untied us and set us free from the Libernazi chamber of death and torture, although one of the guys just flat out just died, because of all of the libertarianism, and there was and blood and piss and shit and sick and gore and custard pies and death everywhere, and it was so awful, but I was glad that most of us had survived.

Thank you Socialist Man! You're doing Marx's work.
Learning never exhausts the mind.
-Leonardo da Vinci

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Post by brimstoneSalad » Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:42 am

Wait, what's this thread and is it the same as the other?

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Post by Dream Sphere » Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:48 am

brimstoneSalad wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:42 am
Wait, what's this thread and is it the same as the other?
This thread seems like satire, whereas Red's other thread seems to reference the actual experience he had at that Libertarian debate/forum. That's my best guess at least.

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Post by Red » Tue Apr 23, 2019 6:53 am

Dream Sphere wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:48 am
brimstoneSalad wrote:
Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:42 am
Wait, what's this thread and is it the same as the other?
This thread seems like satire, whereas Red's other thread seems to reference the actual experience he had at that Libertarian debate/forum. That's my best guess at least.
This is not satire. Libertarians really are this bad, and their evil plotting is at the root of everything bad that happens to any non-libertarian ever.
Learning never exhausts the mind.
-Leonardo da Vinci

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