Depression and Friends

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Cirion Spellbinder
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by Cirion Spellbinder »

Jebus wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:33 amHave you done any activism yet?
Not besides getting a few people to become vegetarians.
The bond between similarly minded activists tend to be very strong and is likely to lead to strong friendships and potentially romantic relationships.
Where do I find people to do activism with? I find myself more skeptical of other vegans than of non-vegans because of the load of nature / spirituality based crap which usually accompanies them.
Cirion Spellbinder
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by Cirion Spellbinder »

esquizofrenico wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:24 amAs a positive note, these past two years have been by far the saddest and loneliest in my life; but also the ones in which I have grown the most as a person. But I am a very optimistic in general, so I don't pretend to know what you are going through.
Awesome. :)
Forgive me if I have offended you bringing up my friend's story, I'm not suggesting you will ever try to kill yourself.
Don't worry!
PS2: About the college part, I really think you should stop seeing your classroom as the place you go to get friends. I only had acquaintances in college, but had plenty of friends at the time.
But is it not true that people taking similar classes to me will not have similar affinities and interests? Exclude general education classes from this.

Furthermore, where else do you find friends? Work?
Cirion Spellbinder
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by Cirion Spellbinder »

EquALLity wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 10:14 amIs that because you don't trust people in general?
I suspect that's true if they have any relation to me. I definitely trust experts in a field, for example, to know more than me and offer me the best guidance with respect to their study.
Are you sure that loneliness is the primary cause of your depression?
Yes, I think I lack solid platonic and romantic relations. I have a reliable family, do well in school, and have goals. This is a good question to consider anyways though.
For example, when you recently relapsed, did that happen after you became more lonely?
Yes.
If so, is this always the case when you relapse, and is it also the case that when you become less lonely that your depression starts to go away?
Yes. I think the last 3 instances of my depression have come initially from an unreachable romantic interest, which reminds me how generally lonely I am. I expect I will be less affected by this infatuation as I age.
I ask because being depressed can cause you to withdraw into yourself, making you more lonely, so it could be the depression causing the loneliness.
This is true as well, but I would describe it as exacerbating my depression. I withdraw myself after I become depressed. I am currently trying to be very social, though I did initially attempt to block everyone out and might again if a plan my parents and I have been working on with the school district for hospital study goes through.
Perhaps you should work on trusting people, although I'm not sure how.
If you do come up with any tips, I'd appreciate it.
Have you ever had close friends and/or people you have trusted? If so, how did you come to trust them?
I'm not sure. I was open with my last set of friends, I think. I told them about my past depression, but I didn't ask them for help with my current depression. So I probably didn't trust them. I have the sense that I might trust my step-mom and my brothers, but I'm not sure why or how, and I never play on that trust, so maybe I don't at all.
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EquALLity
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Re: Depression and Friends

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Cirion Spellbinder wrote:Yes, I think I lack solid platonic and romantic relations. I have a reliable family, do well in school, and have goals. This is a good question to consider anyways though.
Ok, based on what you are saying, it does seem like the cause of your depression is relationships.
If you do come up with any tips, I'd appreciate it.
Maybe it'd help to consider why you don't trust people. For example, you may not trust people easily because you are afraid that they will judge you. If that is the case, then you can befriend people who can relate to you and won't judge you. I am not saying this is the case, I am just giving an example. What I am saying is, if you can figure out specifically why you don't trust people, you can try to figure out a solution to that.
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PsYcHo
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Re: Depression and Friends

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Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:50 pm
Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Wed Mar 07, 2018 8:06 pmFor finding friends, the only advice I can give is you must be willing to open yourself up to the possibility of being disappointed by them. Much like befriending a stray cat, it takes time and trust on both ends, and both parties may have reasons to not trust the other.
Other people have told me this as well. Wouldn't it be better to wait for other people to make this move and then reciprocate it to minimize losses?
[/quote]

Hey, I'm not Cirion! ;)

Yes, you can wait for people to initiate the "first contact", but how many people that you would be compatible with are waiting for someone else to do the same? I'm an introverted type myself, but I made a great friend by asking a neighbor who seemed to need some help (he was moving in, and had a hand in a cast) if he "needed a hand". :roll: He was also an introvert, we got to talking, were both rather lonely and nerdy types, and we developed a great friendship. If I hadn't went out of my comfort zone to initiate contact, we likely would have only waved to each other at most as neighbors.
Alcohol may have been a factor.

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esquizofrenico
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by esquizofrenico »

Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:54 pm But is it not true that people taking similar classes to me will not have similar affinities and interests? Exclude general education classes from this.

Furthermore, where else do you find friends? Work?
That really depends. I studied a science career because I like it and I've always been good at it, but my personal interests have always been more centred in the humanities. I think that you'll find that people that are interested in the same topics that you are, could be because of complete different reasons than you. Anyway, I am not saying you should not make friends in college, simply that in my experience I did not find in my classroom a higher percentage of compatible people that I would find in any pub.

The truth is that I was very lucky to make a group of close friends when I was 18 which I have kept until now and through which I met a lot of new people. I also have a lot of friends from a Go Club I used to attend before moving to Singapore (Go is the chinese board game with black and white pieces, in case you don't know). That is another possibility, hobbies are a great way to meet new people.

About dating, I have always used dating apps, but if you don't like hook-ups is not a very good idea. You really have to put a lot of effort until you find someone that you actually like.
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Re: Depression and Friends

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Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:52 pm I am going to start a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy program and am looking into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. I generally find myself not trusting psychiatric professionals with anything but medicine (which I am taking), so I expect that this will be difficult.
Hi Cirion, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I find CBT helpful regardless of your relationship with the person treating you. I feel like with CBT it's more instructional like a teacher-student relationship where they can teach you strategies, give you exercises to do outside the session (there's quite a bit of "homework"), etc. Almost like in the classroom. Whether you trust them as a person is less relevant.
Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:52 pmThis makes spending time with the group more lonesome for me, but I do still think it is less lonesome than being alone at school.
I agree that spending time with a nice group is much better than being alone. I don't know exactly what you mean when you say that you don't trust certain people. I think it's important to keep in mind that people make mistakes, friends will let you down here and there without even realizing, maybe they'll have a selfish moment or won't be as sensitive as they should. These things happen and can be expected because no one is perfect. And they can often be solved by hitting pause and talking about them honestly instead of retreating.
Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:52 pmOther people have told me this as well. Wouldn't it be better to wait for other people to make this move and then reciprocate it to minimize losses?
I don't necessarily think the solution is to try to simply trust people. For someone to get your whole investment, they need to give that back.
You should give people a chance, but no need to give 100% from the get-go just because you like them. Invest just a little to start with. Did they invest back? If so, then you can invest a little more. And so on in small increments. Don't be afraid to approach and initiate, but always look for reciprocity before you invest more (time/effort and especially expectations).
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Jebus
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by Jebus »

Cirion Spellbinder wrote: Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:52 pmWhere do I find people to do activism with? I find myself more skeptical of other vegans than of non-vegans because of the load of nature / spirituality based crap which usually accompanies them.
I've done a bit of street activism lately and in my experience the similarities between me and the others far outweigh whatever differences we may have. I'd much rather spend my day with a spiritual vegan hippie than a "rational" meat eater.

I would find out if anonymous of the voiceless are active in your area. If not, perhaps you can take the initiative to start it. Just send them a mail. They are usually very helpful. https://www.anonymousforthevoiceless.org/
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EquALLity
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Re: Depression and Friends

Post by EquALLity »

I want to clarify that I didn't mean you should trust just anybody. What I meant is that you shouldn't be opposed to trusting people in every circumstance, because it can limit your ability to form close bonds with people. But of course, don't trust people who haven't proven worthy of trust.

Also, I just want to add that you can form close bonds with people you don't see eye to eye with in addition to people who share your values. Both are possible, so if you want to maximize your likelihood of finding people you can develop bonds with, you should be open to everybody (from a starting point), IMO.
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