Philosophical Vegan Forum

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Stop milking the damn Harry Potter franchise for everything it's got. It should have ended on the seventh film. Voldemort is dead, for fuck's sake. You're beating a dead dark lord. Pottermore is shit. It's just a bunch of poorly-strung-together quizzes that apparently tell you your house, wand, patronus and what-not, despite there already being quizzes on the internet that do that (and a better job of it too), and a bunch of backstories about characters I never cared about. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was shit. I have read better fanfiction. I wanted to read Harry Potter, not a fucking time travel story. And if you were going to write a time travel story, you could at least have made it good. Seriously, Stephen Moffatt, who has turned Doctor Who into shit has wrote better episodes than that godforsaken excuse of a play. What the fuck was it with all of that "prophecies don't matter" bullshit? I guess the entire plot of books 5-7 were for nothing then! And why would you turn the goddamn trolley lady into a fucking guardian of the Hogwarts express with spikes for hands?! I can't say with certainty what Fantastic Beasts and where to find them is like, as it isn't out yet (although I think the script is, I'm not sure? ), but from the recent Potter-related stuff you're putting out, I can safely assume that it will be shit. Leave Harry Potter alone. He's had enough to deal with with Voldemort. He doesn't need you ruining his franchise.

Dear Universe, in regards to evolutionary development,

I appreciate evolution and all, (the opposable thumbs have came in very handy over the years) but I have one complaint. What possible reason is there for the anus to react to capsaicin that is not broken down in digestion??!! Just because I ate jalapenos yesterday, does not mean I need to be reminded of it today!

Sincerely,
The guy walking funny

Dear FaceBook,

Stop telling me to log in when I am browsing meme pages. I do not have a FaceBook account and I will never have one.

PsYcHo wrote: ↑Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:02 pm What possible reason is there for the anus to react to capsaicin that is not broken down in digestion??!!

To discourage mammals from eating them, capsaicin affects mammal nerve cells to stimulate burning pain. The goal is to affect the mouth, but nerve cells all work similarly because this is more efficient. Thus the fruit is preferentially eaten by birds, and the seeds spread farther to make the plant more successful.

You have nerve cells on your anus to let you know when you're pooping, or when insects or other small animals are trying to crawl up your butt. An unfortunate necessity which works with the former to give you a bad day after you eat spicy food.

Sincerely,
The Universe.

P.S. Don't worry, if you eat spicy food regularly enough your anus will get used to it and it won't hurt so much.
Or just eat a *lot* more fiber so contact time is minimized.

brimstoneSalad wrote: ↑Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:37 pm your anus will get used to it and it won't hurt so much.

That's what he said! (Ba dum tiss!)

PsYcHo wrote: ↑Mon Mar 13, 2017 12:32 am

brimstoneSalad wrote: ↑Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:37 pm your anus will get used to it and it won't hurt so much.

That's what he said! (Ba dum tiss!)

That's one terrible quote to take out of context indeed

^ I couldn't help myself...

Dear previous homeowner,

Were you high when you did projects around here? Seriously, everything is mis-matched, like you just grabbed a random handful of hardware and used it to do numerous small projects. And what the hell is the reasoning for apparently using adamantium to seal the metal threads on the sink? That's a hand-tighten kinda part. Also, that continuous leak you allowed to go under the sink could have been fixed with about two bucks worth of sealant.

Frustratedly yours,
PsYchO

Dear Crack pipe;-

Fuck you. I don't know where you came from, but I've been there, done that. I want you soooooo bad....

But I'd regret you in the AM. So fuck you, and have a nice day.

Fuck you crack............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

To everybody who didn't vote for Hamon,

I hate your guts.